Trekking into the jungle is not as easy as it seems. It takes time and planning to get the passport, shots, and gear necessary. My brother, who is a physician, was kind enough to send some warm and fuzzy videos about malaria, botflys, yellow fever, etc. So, off I go to the clinic on Friday to become a pin cushion. Other threats are dengue fever, rabies, hepatitis, tuberculosis, and typhoid fever (not to mention the high probability/certainty of explosive diarrhea).
I get to the clinic and talk with the receptionist. “Did you bring your shot records?” I answer, “Uh, no, I don’t think I have any.” She gave a half-smile, “Well, looks like we will be sticking you a lot today.” As the list of shots began to pile up (three, four, five, six) her half-smile became a full smile. She seemed to enjoy the fact that I would be in pain, or maybe she had some commission on the number of shots she stuck in a day.
“Do you plan to be sexually active down there? Just remember that 10% of the prostitutes in Central America have aids.” She winked at me.
I thought of a dozen missionaries that I knew who brought back walking-talking souvenirs from their missions. Don’t get me wrong, for some it is a pretty good gig. It is a great way for a
mediocre guy to land an attractive wife. Maybe you need to teach her that shoes are required in Wal-Mart or not to do laundry by hand in the front yard; but these are small prices to pay. “You can get a girl out of Central America, but cannot get Central America out of a girl”
The area that I am going is accessed by two routes: no roads. The first option is a small one and a half hour flight on a shaky airplane. One blogger suggested to check the fuel gauge before leaving and to check the blood alcohol level of the pilot before boarding. Considering I need two zanax to fly, or two doubles with Captain Morgan, I will probably take option two: spend the night and day on the deck of a cargo ship for about 24 hours. That option would be nostalgic and memorable even if there was rain, storm, or high winds.
The main reason I went to this clinic was to get a shot for yellow fever. Apparently, the countries I am going to do not require that shot, and it would not be necessary. The suggestion to head to Salt Lake was from my physician. I guess that is what you get when you have someone who is part farmer, part vet, and part doctor give you advice. Before my appointment he was delivering a breached calf.
I have been waiting for my passport like a kid anticipating Christmas. I want to get out of town!
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